I love—all right, tolerate—going home to visit my family over the holidays, but one thing, in particular, drives me absolutely bonkers: I can’t have sex. My parents are nosy, constantly asking where I’m going, who I’m seeing, and when I’ll be back. And while they know that I literally have a memoir coming out called Boyslut, I still don’t feel comfortable looking my mother in the eyes and saying, “I’m hopping over to Domtop69’s place so I can get my gut rearranged. What do I know about him, you ask? Well, he’s 42 years old, packing eight inches, has a hairy belly, and his kinks include daddy/son role play.”
Why not lie and say I’m seeing a friend? Well, Grindr encounters take all of 25 minutes, and who hangs out with a friend for all of 25 minutes? Not to mention, guys flake hard. The one time I tried to coordinate something, the dude flaked at the last minute. It was this whole
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